Hello again. When writing this I myself reflected on ego. How ego feels like judgement and how judgement moves to curiosity. It’s a true and meaningful shift that transforms.

The part I see most people miss is that ego and judgment are best friends. The harsher you are on yourself, the more your ego flares-up to protect you.

It’s a cycle and it goes something like...you judge yourself for not being perfect - your ego steps in to defend you - then you double down, instead of recognising and evolving.

Judgment says, "You should have known better." Ego says, *"You did nothing wrong.*And between the two, you stop learning.

If ego is the quiet voice that says, I already know, then judgement is its loyal companion.

When you’ve built a business from scratch, you’ve had to make hundreds of judgement calls! What to spend on. Who to hire. When to pivot. You get used to constantly assessing, evaluating and deciding.

Over time you build up a weird habit of judging rather than understanding. When you actually realise you are doing it, it feels like it has come out of nowhere and a totally new thing.

In reality it’s subtle. You catch yourself thinking, why can’t they just do it like I would? Or She’s not ready yet. Or He’s too soft for management. Sometimes, you don’t even say it out loud, but your tone, your body language and your decisions carry that quiet verdict.

Slowly, the culture around you mirrors it back. Your team starts doing it and then the culture, atmosphere and vibe are all off. It feels heavy and a mess.

That being said, judgement in leadership often starts from a good place, like a desire to keep standards high, to protect the mission, to move fast. When it goes unchecked, it becomes a pair of filtered glasses you use every day:

The team member who challenges you feels "difficult."
The one who plays it safe feels "uninspired."
The new idea that’s not yours feels "off brand."

What I mean here is everyone feels that they’re performing not just for results, but for approval. Innovation dips. Conversations get cautious. Without meaning to you’ve built a company where people are afraid to be curious - because curiosity might lead to failure, and failure invites judgement.

Believe me it is SO easy to think "I’m not judging, I’m just being honest". It stings, but you probably underestimate how sensitive your teams are to your energy. Your casual "hmmm" in a meeting can sound like a verdict. Your silence after someone suggests an idea can feel like total disapproval. Judgement isn’t just what you say. It’s what people feel when they’re around you.

Part 1 was about recognising ego and the part of you that needs to be right, needed, or seen as capable...now judgement is ego in motion. It’s how we protect our own sense of worth. We judge others harshly in the places we’re most insecure about ourselves!
If you struggle with perfectionism, you’ll notice others’ mistakes first. If you fear being irrelevant, you’ll judge new ideas as naive. If you feel underappreciated, you’ll label others as ungrateful.

Judgement is self-protection and it is wearing the mask of someone with the best insight. The moment we understand that it stops being something to feel ashamed of and becomes something to get curious about.

Curiosity is the medicine for judgement. It’s not about being endlessly patient or lowering standards, it's as easy as swapping assumptions for exploration. When you feel yourself slipping into judgement, pause and ask:

"What might I not be seeing here?"
"What fear is this reaction protecting in me?"
"If I assumed they had a good reason, what could that good reason be?"

Asking yourself these questions soften the edges.
They turn a moment of tension into an opportunity to learn.
When curiosity becomes your habit as a founder, it transforms everything! Feedback conversations become lighter. Team members open up rather than defend. Creativity flows again because people feel safe to experiment.

Curiosity doesn’t mean ignoring what’s not working. It just means you approach it with interest. Take ten minutes this week to notice your own patterns of judgement

1. List your triggers. Who or what tends to irritate you most? Late replies? Over-explaining? People who don’t seem motivated enough?
2. Ask why. What about that behaviour touches a nerve? What does it say about what you value, or fear losing?
3. Rewrite the story. Instead of "They don’t care," try "Maybe they’re overwhelmed." Instead of "They’re slow," try "They take their time to avoid making mistakes."

Again, it isn’t about letting people off the hook for not doing their jobs! Just expand your lens.

The best leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers, that would be boring for a start and then who does anyone have to learn from! The best leaders are the ones who keep asking better questions.

Replacing judgement with curiosity means your team has the permission to do the same. They start asking why before deciding what. They challenge with care, and they listen to understand. Over time, the ripple effect is extraordinary. Meetings get shorter because people listen better - misunderstandings shrink because people clarify first and energy returns because no one’s wasting it defending themselves.

Judgement creates distance. Curiosity creates connection. Connection (not control) is what sustains a business through every phase of growth.

If you recognised yourself in any of this, that’s a good sign. It means awareness is kicking in.
You can’t unsee your own patterns, but you can choose what to do with them.

It feels quite ironic that I am off to judge my son in his homemade Halloween costume - he always gets an A for effort though!

Happy Halloween,
Natalie x